It’s nearing the end of the month. The money you have earned from closing the tab containing your Twitter account every time your boss walks past is slowly running out. You have just enough packet noodles and Uncle Ben’s rice to last you until pay day when you can go out and spend a third of your money on M&S food, sambuca shots, and a dress that you think could change your life.
There is just £10 in your account. Your mother would tell you to keep it for emergencies, or maybe put it towards that hefty student overdraft you’ve still not paid off, or perhaps put it into your pension fund, or you could restart saving for a mortgage after you spent all that money ‘travelling’.
OR THESE THINGS COS YOU ARE A PASSABLE ADULT AND CAN’T BE STOPPED:
- £10 worth of penny sweets
- Avocado Toast
- Like 2 days worth of fancy coffee
- 1 cinema ticket (but 2 years ago when it was still only £10)
- A pillowcase with a picture of Nicolas Cage on it.
- Avocado Toast with an egg on it
- An album of actual music like the old days
- A Spotify subscription so that you can listen to Green Light by Lorde 4000 times in a row
- Avocado Toast on Sourdough
- Pens. Loads of pens. Cos Becky in the office can’t GET HER OWN BLOODY PENS.
- Tina Fey’s Bossypants
- Another Gurli Throw from Ikea cos blankets are life
- Toast. But with some avocado on it
- A plant, that you will water for 3 days and convince yourself you are ready for children
- A taxi ride into work one morning when you wake up 20 minutes before you start
- SOME AVOCADOS AND A LOAF OF BREAD