Getting A Job – Part Two

Once you have mastered your CV and filled it with unpaid work that has broken your soul, and you have spent three months applying for 1000 jobs, you may actually land yourself an interview.

Interviews are the worst of all human inventions. You spend hours beforehand preparing lies about how the job as an Associate to the Executive Manager of Marketeering and Conservation efforts for a funeral home is the role of your dreams, and how you would be honoured to take up the mantle. You will also have to wear your most uncomfortable clothes and shoes, because apparently experiencing physical pain from clothing demonstrates your willingness and eagerness to get the job.

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Getting A Job – Part One

So minimum wage and living with your parents is getting old.

You’ve abandoned the idea that your job folding clothes and pretending to be nice to customers is just until your band takes off. No longer do you believe that stacking tins of dog food is just a way of funding you becoming a world famous artist. And coming home covered in grease and smelling of cod after 8 hours working in a fish and chip shop isn’t really furthering your acting career.

It’s time to get real. It’s time to earn enough to save for a mortgage and mundane package holidays. It’s time to get one of those jobs that you will tell people at your school reunion “It’s not thrilling but it pays the bills”.

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Guilt

I came up with this blog whilst sitting around in my pants playing candy crush instead of writing or doing anything productive. It felt great, and the nap I took after felt even better, but there was a degree of guilt that came with not keeping to my strict ‘maybe post on Tuesday or Wednesday or perhaps Thursday’ schedule.

That’s not the guilt we will talk about today though. Mainly cos that story is as boring as hell, but also because there are much bigger things that I feel guilty about.

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Dear My One True Love

Dear My love,

I’ve not seen you in so long and I am so sorry. I tried to convince my friends to come visit a while back but they’re acting a bit standoffish. I know they don’t always understand our love, but they are acting like they are better than you.

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5 People You Will Meet At Work

Navigating the world of work is a tricky task, and not only because you need to find new and inventive ways of hiding the fact that you have spent all day on Twitter and playing solitaire. Going to work is primarily difficult because the people you meet at work are a baffling mix of people that shouldn’t actually be allowed in society, people you would never think of mixing with in real life, and people you will fall utterly in love with and never let leave your life.

Here are a few of those people:

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Pre Sleep Shame

There is a moment just before I drop off to sleep where the horrifying reality of my existence comes flooding back to me in a series of fairly painful flashbacks.

I assume that part of becoming an adult is learning to shut these memories out, or in the very least decrease the amount of cringeworthy encounters you have to in turn decrease the amount of content my cruel brain has to punish me with. As of now, I appear to only be increasing them.

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Recipe: Hangover Food

There are a couple of things to remember when you are cooking hungover: keep it carb based, include lots of salt, and if you think there is enough cheese you are wrong and should add more. If possible, aforementioned cheese needs to be melted. This is pretty much the same no matter what you have been drinking the night before, with the exception of whiskey because whiskey is an evil drink and you won’t be alive to cook.

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