I hate birds. Like, really hate birds. They are constantly attacking me for no reason, and I’m sick of it. I cross the road when I see a bird in my way, whether it’s dead or alive because you never know which species will conquer death first. I get that pit-of-your-stomach-drop feeling even when I just see a video of a bird. Remember when that video of a man shouting at a bunch of turkeys went viral? That was torture for me. I really, really hate birds.
Every Christmas time I would write a letter to Father Christmas. I would compile a list of the things I want to receive based on what toys I had seen kids at my school playing with, or what adverts on the TV contained the happiest looking kids. Every year I was disappointed with what I got because my sister looked to have received something better.
I’m a shit friend.
I have some of the most beautiful, generous, incredibly talented, fabulous, indecently perfect friends that a person could wish for, but lord knows why they are still friends with me.