How to: Be a Morning Person

I hate birds. Like, really hate birds. They are constantly attacking me for no reason, and I’m sick of it. I cross the road when I see a bird in my way, whether it’s dead or alive because you never know which species will conquer death first. I get that pit-of-your-stomach-drop feeling even when I just see a video of a bird. Remember when that video of a man shouting at a bunch of turkeys went viral? That was torture for me. I really, really hate birds.

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How Are You?

Adults have this annoying habit of constantly asking people how they are. As passable adults it is likely that we ask this less because we know that the answers are far from straight forward, and we’ve yet to perfect that – Nod – Smile – “Great thanks”- thing that real adults do. There’s still a distinct sadness in our eyes that gives the game away and will force the asker to lengthen their R’s. “No, really, how arrrrreee you?”.

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