I Can’t Help Falling Out of Love With You

Recently I was sat in a tattoo studio holding someone’s hand and gazing around the room at all the designs, when I remembered when I had first wanted a tattoo. I was obsessed with Busted and Matt Willis had the outline of a star tattooed on his hand. I was convinced that if I had the same tattoo, we would one day meet and fate would take it’s course. Obviously there is nothing sexier to a person than somebody else with the exact same tattoo!

I sat there embarrassed at my own former self and watched as 4  people in the room added permanent artwork to their body that in several years time they might also look at thinking “I’m not that person anymore”.

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How to: Be a Morning Person

I hate birds. Like, really hate birds. They are constantly attacking me for no reason, and I’m sick of it. I cross the road when I see a bird in my way, whether it’s dead or alive because you never know which species will conquer death first. I get that pit-of-your-stomach-drop feeling even when I just see a video of a bird. Remember when that video of a man shouting at a bunch of turkeys went viral? That was torture for me. I really, really hate birds.

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Jealousy

Every Christmas time I would write a letter to Father Christmas. I would compile a list of the things I want to receive based on what toys I had seen kids at my school playing with, or what adverts on the TV contained the happiest looking kids. Every year I was disappointed with what I got because my sister looked to have received something better.

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Montage

The pressure to find a life partner, get married, and eventually spawn some heathen offspring is intense when you are young. Family members will ask if you’ve got a boyfriend or girlfriend, work colleagues will offer to set you up on hideous blind dates, your friend’s partners will try and get you a hook up with their friend so that you stop gatecrashing dates. Then once you are in a relationship people will start questioning when you will get married, and if you might soon be posting a Facebook photo with tiny shoes that says “Coming Soon”.

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I Left My Umbrella On The Self Service Checkout Again

I didn’t go to Brownie’s or Guides. I was a bit of a sceptical little child and was convinced that it was some kind of cult and, honestly, I was scared that I would leave with a tattoo and an obligation to pay a cult leader forever. But I do believe that their motto was (or maybe it was one of those similar cults) ‘Always be Prepared’. So that is what this blog is about – being prepared.

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Rules For Growing Up

Part of growing up is finding who you are, it’s navigating the tricky path to find your spirit animal and to understand your inner child. It’s a beautiful journey of self discovery and choosing to be wonderfully, perfectly, happy. It’s clean eating, yoga, and drinking 4000 litres of water a day. You will never be a true grownup unless you wake up every morning and plaster a giant smile on your face from the minute your kale smoothie touches your lips.

Except that’s all bollocks.

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Recipe: Cooking for Mum & Dad

The challenge when cooking for your parents is balancing sophistication with that little bit of helplessness that your parents expect from you. Obviously, the preferable situation is for them to cook –  after all they love feeding you. The second choice is that they take you out to dinner and pay, because they have secure jobs and a mortgage they’ve finished paying off, and you are likely to never have those things because they voted for Brexit. Nevertheless, every now and then, you may find yourself in the situation where you have invited them round and misguidedly offered to cook them a meal.

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