5 People You Will Meet At Work

Navigating the world of work is a tricky task, and not only because you need to find new and inventive ways of hiding the fact that you have spent all day on Twitter and playing solitaire. Going to work is primarily difficult because the people you meet at work are a baffling mix of people that shouldn’t actually be allowed in society, people you would never think of mixing with in real life, and people you will fall utterly in love with and never let leave your life.

Here are a few of those people:

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Recipe: Hangover Food

There are a couple of things to remember when you are cooking hungover: keep it carb based, include lots of salt, and if you think there is enough cheese you are wrong and should add more. If possible, aforementioned cheese needs to be melted. This is pretty much the same no matter what you have been drinking the night before, with the exception of whiskey because whiskey is an evil drink and you won’t be alive to cook.

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Unavoidable Awkward Situations

Whether you are one of those fantastically accomplished adults or you are so passable that you are hanging on to your adult card by the skin of your teeth, there are some situations that are just never going to be comfortable, even if you pretend really really hard that you’re cool with it.

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Recipe: For Date Night

In the lead up to date night cooking, you need to take a few things into consideration. First up, establish whether or not the person coming round has any specialist dietary requirements. Whilst I have always been a great advocate of spending a quality, romantic five hours in A&E with the love of your life, it’s advisable to aim for a slightly sexier injury – like a sprained ankle – not a giant lobster face from an allergic reaction.

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How Are You?

Adults have this annoying habit of constantly asking people how they are. As passable adults it is likely that we ask this less because we know that the answers are far from straight forward, and we’ve yet to perfect that – Nod – Smile – “Great thanks”- thing that real adults do. There’s still a distinct sadness in our eyes that gives the game away and will force the asker to lengthen their R’s. “No, really, how arrrrreee you?”.

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The Importance of Pretending You are in a Music Video

There’s this American dude called Nathaniel Baldwin who, to be quite honest, should be on all of the American money. In 1910 he invented the first successful set of headphones and since then* people have been able to lock themselves away from the real world and be submerged in music.

*sort of…okay, since like whenever the Walkman was invented, which I can’t be arsed to research.

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A List of Things You Should Spend Your Last Tenner on

It’s nearing the end of the month. The money you have earned from closing the tab containing your Twitter account every time your boss walks past is slowly running out. You have just enough packet noodles and Uncle Ben’s rice to last you until pay day when you can go out and spend a third of your money on M&S food, sambuca shots, and a dress that you think could change your life.

There is just £10 in your account. Your mother would tell you to keep it for emergencies, or maybe put it towards that hefty student overdraft you’ve still not paid off, or perhaps put it into your pension fund, or you could restart saving for a mortgage after you spent all that money ‘travelling’.

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