Christmas Present Etiquette

The festive season is upon us! There are groups of school children dressed as donkeys and wise men, there are trees shedding needles over every living room floor, and the smell of mince pies drifts around the air like a thick fog. There’s even toasty fires all over the place…no seriously…get out of the Post Office, someone set it on fire!

With December 25th looming over us we have been gifted the joy of Christmas lights, the fear of coming into contact with itchy tinsel and, you know, actual gifts!

Forget warring families, forget retching on a sprout, the real problem with Christmas is overthinking your Christmas card or Christmas present list. I’ve complied a handy guide of Do’s and Don’ts to guide you through safely to the warm cocoon of 4pm on Christmas Day, 9 mulled wines in and full of potato.

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Jealousy

Every Christmas time I would write a letter to Father Christmas. I would compile a list of the things I want to receive based on what toys I had seen kids at my school playing with, or what adverts on the TV contained the happiest looking kids. Every year I was disappointed with what I got because my sister looked to have received something better.

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How to: Eat Dinner With Other Adults (Part 3)

For part 1 click here.

For part 2 click here.

 

Obstacle 3: Who pays.

By far the most awkward part of any dinner, deciding who is footing the bill, whether you are splitting equally, or paying for exactly what you each had. As well as considering who you are with you should also consider what you ate. It’s really only cool to be the one suggesting an equal split if you had a side salad and water and the other person had a 18oz steak and a bottle of red. The other way round is a pisstake.

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How to: Eat Dinner With Other Adults (Part 1)

The hope is that by your early 20’s the spoon/aeroplane method has taken full effect and you are now aware how to put food into your mouth, chew and swallow.

What we are not taught is how to go to Sainsburys regularly enough to make sure there is food in the house when you are hungover and unable to venture out into
the cold, blinding light of the day time. For this I totally blame the aeroplane method, I often look in my fridge, realise there is nothing there and leave it expecting something tasty to zoom through the sky and parachute into my kitchen and/or mouth.

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