Christmas Present Etiquette

The festive season is upon us! There are groups of school children dressed as donkeys and wise men, there are trees shedding needles over every living room floor, and the smell of mince pies drifts around the air like a thick fog. There’s even toasty fires all over the place…no seriously…get out of the Post Office, someone set it on fire!

With December 25th looming over us we have been gifted the joy of Christmas lights, the fear of coming into contact with itchy tinsel and, you know, actual gifts!

Forget warring families, forget retching on a sprout, the real problem with Christmas is overthinking your Christmas card or Christmas present list. I’ve complied a handy guide of Do’s and Don’ts to guide you through safely to the warm cocoon of 4pm on Christmas Day, 9 mulled wines in and full of potato.

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How to be a Passable Adult in Public

I’m a visual learner. I learn best when I am watching others and copying, or by seeing how something works before I try. This is why I spend a great deal of time people watching, or more specifically, adult watching. I’m observing how the real adults are managing to keep their shit together so that I can copy them and replicate it in my own passable way.

You can often find adults lurking about in shopping centres, coffee shops and doctors surgeries. The best way to observe is from afar, however you may well know some adults that you can observe by becoming friends with them.

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The Importance of Pretending You are in a Music Video

There’s this American dude called Nathaniel Baldwin who, to be quite honest, should be on all of the American money. In 1910 he invented the first successful set of headphones and since then* people have been able to lock themselves away from the real world and be submerged in music.

*sort of…okay, since like whenever the Walkman was invented, which I can’t be arsed to research.

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Have a Passable New Year!

2016 hasn’t been all that great, I’ve not achieved any of my many goals, like world domination and eating less lasagne. Brexit didn’t go my way and beinsd2fxgkdagk-brigitte-tohm.jpgg a woman and having a brain, I wasn’t all that fond of Trump.

Luckily I have big plans for 2017, so I am really looking forward to destroying the entire galaxy in a violent Brexit fuelled rage and perhaps eating an apple every now and then.

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