The festive season is upon us! There are groups of school children dressed as donkeys and wise men, there are trees shedding needles over every living room floor, and the smell of mince pies drifts around the air like a thick fog. There’s even toasty fires all over the place…no seriously…get out of the Post Office, someone set it on fire!
With December 25th looming over us we have been gifted the joy of Christmas lights, the fear of coming into contact with itchy tinsel and, you know, actual gifts!
Forget warring families, forget retching on a sprout, the real problem with Christmas is overthinking your Christmas card or Christmas present list. I’ve complied a handy guide of Do’s and Don’ts to guide you through safely to the warm cocoon of 4pm on Christmas Day, 9 mulled wines in and full of potato.
Continue reading “Christmas Present Etiquette”
Recently I was sat in a tattoo studio holding someone’s hand and gazing around the room at all the designs, when I remembered when I had first wanted a tattoo. I was obsessed with Busted and Matt Willis had the outline of a star tattooed on his hand. I was convinced that if I had the same tattoo, we would one day meet and fate would take it’s course. Obviously there is nothing sexier to a person than somebody else with the exact same tattoo!
I sat there embarrassed at my own former self and watched as 4 people in the room added permanent artwork to their body that in several years time they might also look at thinking “I’m not that person anymore”.
Continue reading “I Can’t Help Falling Out of Love With You”
Every Christmas time I would write a letter to Father Christmas. I would compile a list of the things I want to receive based on what toys I had seen kids at my school playing with, or what adverts on the TV contained the happiest looking kids. Every year I was disappointed with what I got because my sister looked to have received something better.
Continue reading “Jealousy”
When I was very small I wasn’t really interested in making friends with children. I wanted to be read to, constantly, and most of my peers couldn’t read yet so I had to settle for grownups as friends. I was really good at making friends with those grownups, I would smile and ask nicely and look like a tiny lonely angel who just needed a quick little story. But that’s how you trap them. One quick little story would turn into spending all day at playgroup tricking people into reading to me.
I was quite content with my grownup pals.
Continue reading “You Won’t Make Friends if You Fart During Yoga”
Navigating the world of work is a tricky task, and not only because you need to find new and inventive ways of hiding the fact that you have spent all day on Twitter and playing solitaire. Going to work is primarily difficult because the people you meet at work are a baffling mix of people that shouldn’t actually be allowed in society, people you would never think of mixing with in real life, and people you will fall utterly in love with and never let leave your life.
Here are a few of those people:
Continue reading “5 People You Will Meet At Work”
In the lead up to date night cooking, you need to take a few things into consideration. First up, establish whether or not the person coming round has any specialist dietary requirements. Whilst I have always been a great advocate of spending a quality, romantic five hours in A&E with the love of your life, it’s advisable to aim for a slightly sexier injury – like a sprained ankle – not a giant lobster face from an allergic reaction.
Continue reading “Recipe: For Date Night”
I’m a shit friend.
I have some of the most beautiful, generous, incredibly talented, fabulous, indecently perfect friends that a person could wish for, but lord knows why they are still friends with me.
Continue reading “The Passable Friend”