When I was very small I wasn’t really interested in making friends with children. I wanted to be read to, constantly, and most of my peers couldn’t read yet so I had to settle for grownups as friends. I was really good at making friends with those grownups, I would smile and ask nicely and look like a tiny lonely angel who just needed a quick little story. But that’s how you trap them. One quick little story would turn into spending all day at playgroup tricking people into reading to me.
I was quite content with my grownup pals.
Continue reading “You Won’t Make Friends if You Fart During Yoga”
Navigating the world of work is a tricky task, and not only because you need to find new and inventive ways of hiding the fact that you have spent all day on Twitter and playing solitaire. Going to work is primarily difficult because the people you meet at work are a baffling mix of people that shouldn’t actually be allowed in society, people you would never think of mixing with in real life, and people you will fall utterly in love with and never let leave your life.
Here are a few of those people:
Continue reading “5 People You Will Meet At Work”
In the lead up to date night cooking, you need to take a few things into consideration. First up, establish whether or not the person coming round has any specialist dietary requirements. Whilst I have always been a great advocate of spending a quality, romantic five hours in A&E with the love of your life, it’s advisable to aim for a slightly sexier injury – like a sprained ankle – not a giant lobster face from an allergic reaction.
Continue reading “Recipe: For Date Night”
I’m a shit friend.
I have some of the most beautiful, generous, incredibly talented, fabulous, indecently perfect friends that a person could wish for, but lord knows why they are still friends with me.
Continue reading “The Passable Friend”
For part 1 click here.
For part 2 click here.
Obstacle 3: Who pays.
By far the most awkward part of any dinner, deciding who is footing the bill, whether you are splitting equally, or paying for exactly what you each had. As well as considering who you are with you should also consider what you ate. It’s really only cool to be the one suggesting an equal split if you had a side salad and water and the other person had a 18oz steak and a bottle of red. The other way round is a pisstake.
Continue reading “How to: Eat Dinner With Other Adults (Part 3)”
The hope is that by your early 20’s the spoon/aeroplane method has taken full effect and you are now aware how to put food into your mouth, chew and swallow.
What we are not taught is how to go to Sainsburys regularly enough to make sure there is food in the house when you are hungover and unable to venture out into
the cold, blinding light of the day time. For this I totally blame the aeroplane method, I often look in my fridge, realise there is nothing there and leave it expecting something tasty to zoom through the sky and parachute into my kitchen and/or mouth.
Continue reading “How to: Eat Dinner With Other Adults (Part 1)”